Saturday 5 September 2015

Climbing Monkey

I have been very quiet of late as starting a part time job, mainly working from home, has sucked up anytime which used to be used for blogging or sewing. However, today I am stuck in bed with the flu! Thankfully much better than I was hence I am on my laptop. Also very thankful to my hubby who has been looking after our little girl, despite the fact that he too has a sore throat - something he tried to hide from me so I wouldn't worry.

I thought I'd take this opportunity to share a very easy activity that my daughter has enjoyed. A month or so ago she hit the stage of climbing. At first just the reflex to climb was noticeable but she soon realised what it was for and started attempting to climb. Being a bit on the short side she had very little success in actually climbing onto anything despite her best efforts. That's where this activity stemmed from. 

Activity: Climbing Monkey


Development: movement, cognitive and learning
Materials needed: a large, fairly firm, cushion (one off a lounge suite is ideal), a mattress would be great too
Age: 7 months + (once baby is crawling)

Once again, this is an amazingly quick activity (you may have noticed I'm all for quick and easy activities). All you need to do is grab a seat cushion from your lounge suite, put it on the ground and you're done. 

Now just let your little one enjoy climbing. It would be a good idea to be close by at first as if your child is anything like mine, they may attempt to sit on the cushion and actually tumble off it until they learn the dimensions and how to balance on the cushion.

This activity is great if you don't have stairs (like us) as it helps your baby climb up small things in that stage before they're able to tackle bigger things like chairs. To my amazement though, within a week of practicing her climbing on this cushion, my daughter had learnt to climb off the cushion backwards and was then able to climb down stairs too, something she previously hadn't managed.

Her climbing ability has quickly developed though. Not too long ago she was pottering around in the lounge while I finished off some baking. I had a quick look around the corner and freaked out when I saw that she was no longer on the floor, or even on the small chair she had learnt to climb. Instead she was crawling around on the coffee table having managed to use her toy box as a step up!

All the crawling and climbing involved in this activity is excellent for the brain as it encourages both sides of the brain to work together. Plus it also helps develop spatial awareness, visual skills, persistence and resilience, coordination and core body strength. Love all that goodness packed into something so simple!
  

As always, if you have a go with this activity I'd love to hear how your baby responds - do they love it or hate it?  Let me know by commenting below or on my Facebook page. 

Until next time, 
Trish

Thanks to these pages for much of the information in this post
http://www.babble.com/baby/crawling-is-crucial/
http://www.littletreasuresmag.co.nz/importance-crawling-stage-baby/

Thursday 6 August 2015

How long is a piece of string?

Activity: How long is a piece of string? 

Development: movement, cognitive and learning
Materials needed: something long and easily held by your child - fabric, scarves, belts etc. 
Age: 9 months + 
  
This is a very quick and easy activity to prepare. Simply grab something long from around the house that your baby can easily grab and pull and place one end in reach of your baby...and you're done! Hopefully your baby will grab hold of the end and start pulling it until they reach the other end. They may need this demonstrated at first if they are not entirely sure what to do (as my girl did when presented with the odd creation pictured).

I first noticed that she enjoyed this activity after she got hold of a dressing gown belt (from the mountain of washing splayed over the floor) and began to pull from one end until she had got to the other end. I decided to make something longer for her and so, as you can see in the picture, I collected an odd assortment of things from around the house - some fabric, a lightweight scarf and a bandanna - and tied them together. This random creation lives in her toy box and now that she's discovered its location, she loves pulling it out of there too.

All this pulling and grabbing is excellent for her brain as there is so much movement and learning going on. First off, the actual process of pulling requires balance as my little girl leans forward, grasps part of the 'rope' and then pulls it backwards while also leaning backwards. Her ability to actually grasp the 'rope' develops hand-eye coordination and strengthens her hand muscles. Along with all of this, she is learning about colour, texture, weight and length with each different type of 'rope' used. As I've said in previous posts, the more an activity is repeated, the stronger the brain connections become.

Interestingly I've noticed that as she pulls, she only uses one hand where an adult, or older child, would probably use both hands one after the other. Sometimes when she has reached the end she then begins to do it again, except this time passing the 'rope' from one hand to the other until the pile ends up on the opposite side of her body. The ability to pull a rope using one hand after another is linked to an incredibly important skill of 'crossing the midline', which babies can begin to do but generally isn't mastered until the age of 3 or 4. In saying that, the act of passing the rope from one hand to another is an early stage of bilateral coordination (as it uses both hands) which is linked to the skill of 'crossing the midline'. Why is bilateral coordination important? It shows that both sides of the brain are communicating effectively and very simply, this helps with every day activities that require coordination.

That is a lot of learning from such a simply activity!

One final comment, it's important to ensure that your baby is safe as they could easily become tangled in your 'rope' creation so while it is a great tool for exploring and learning, I suggest that you don't leave them unattended with it.

As always, if you have a go with this activity I'd love to hear how your baby responds - do they love it or hate it? Have you found an interesting 'rope' item that they have taken a particular liking to? Let me know by commenting below or on my Facebook page. 

Until next time, 
Trish

Thanks to these pages for much of the information in this post
http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/brain-development/baby-brain-map.html
http://main.zerotothree.org/site/DocServer/ThePowerofPlay.pdf;jsessionid=6A47F2F628CED6A1EE40B2AE24D70C8D.app227c?docID=161
http://nspt4kids.com/parenting/help-your-child-develop-the-crossing-the-midline-skill/
https://www.childsplaytherapycenter.com/bilateral-coordination-important/



Wednesday 22 July 2015

Obstacle Course

Thankfully this past week has not seen any more attempted wallet thefts by my little girl. She does now possess her own wallet complete with some of her very own cards (all donated by various family members). Unfortunately this doesn't seem to have replaced her desire for my wallet!

With wallet theft out of the way, this week has instead seen her energy focused elsewhere, specifically on learning to throw. With any new skill there comes much practice - throwing toys, throwing remotes, throwing food, throwing drinks. Anything that can be thrown is currently being thrown. Let's hope she learns something new soon, or at least tires of throwing food!

Onto this week's activity though, a great one if you have a little person who is full of energy and just wants to zoom all over the show but not so great if you like a tidy house...

Activity: Obstacle Course

Development: movement
Materials needed: cushions, chairs, blankets, various items from around the house
Age: 6 months + (once a child can crawl. It is easily adapted for more capable movers)
  
To set up an obstacle course, simply grab some items from around the house and arrange them in a clear pathway which requires your baby to go over, under and around various obstacles. This needs to be done in a way that is developmentally appropriate and safe for your child. As they get better at moving, the course can become more challenging. My obstacle course was fairly easy and contained just a few soft items such as a cushion and blanket for my little girl to climb over and a chair to crawl under. For another example of an obstacle course which contains great ideas for easy tunnels, visit The Physical Challenge: Baby Obstacle Course.

I must admit that I do quite like a tidy house, as much as possible with a baby anyway, and so I have only done one obstacle course so far which I left out for the afternoon. It's great to have it up by sleeve as another option for entertainment though, particularly in winter, and next time I'll definitely be adding in some tunnels. I found the biggest challenge was getting her to actually do the obstacle course but that was soon solved by sitting with one of her favourite toys at the end of the course. Once she had begun she enjoyed it. I think it's important to ensure she does enjoy anything we do rather than trying to push her into anything in an attempt to rush her motor development. 

So how does an obstacle course help my little girl's brain develop? Generally, when I think of brain development, I think about intelligence and knowledge, but as the brain controls every part of the body, there is so much more to it than that. The brain is therefore in control of physical development and in fact, a baby's developing brain is largely, but not completely, responsible for physical milestones as Zero to Three explains:

When infants are born, the areas of the brain that control and coordinate voluntary movements are not yet well developed. These motor areas develop in a head-to-toe sequence, starting with muscles in the head and neck, followed by the arm and trunk, and by 6-12 months, the trunk and leg muscles, which are critical to most of the gross motor milestones of this period.

Just like with anything, the more we practice a new skill, the better we get at it. This is the same with babies. The more they practice their movement skills, the less awkward and more skilled and coordinated they become as the pathways within their brain strengthen. An obstacle course provides a bit more challenge than just crawling along a flat surface which helps develop their body strength, balance and coordination.  As they get older, it also helps develop their problem solving skills as they have to figure out how to get past each obstacle. 

So there we go, obstacle courses are excellent for brain development and I believe would be a great activity for Dad's to get involved with too. 

I'd love to see any photos of obstacle courses you set up as it's always great to get more inspiration so please feel free to share below or on my Facebook page. 

Until next time, 
Trish

Thanks to these pages for much of the information in this post
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a554804/games-to-play-with-your-baby-under-12-months
http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/brain-development/baby-brain-map.html
http://www.todaysparent.com/family/activities/10-surprising-brain-builders-for-preschoolers/


Monday 13 July 2015

Library Box

After last week's post which saw me suggest wallets as a great developmental and entertainment tool, I have had to consider whether in fact I have accidentally created a wallet thief. My little girl and I visited the library this week (more on that later) and headed to the children's section where we were shortly joined by another mum and her 2 boys. The boys took off but the mum sat down on the same couch as us and alongside her placed her very colourful (read attractive to babies) bag. I watched as my little girl eyed up the bag. She wanted that bag. More to the point, she wanted what was inside the bag. I could practically see the plan forming in her head. Ever the charmer, she turned on her smile and started making her way over to the mum. The mum was smitten, exclaiming over her cuteness. She had fallen hook, line and sinker for the plan. My little girl neared her destination and made her move, reaching for the bag. Unfortunately for her (fortunately for me) her plan was thwarted as the bag was just out of reach. In the process of her attempted thievery, she luckily looked as if she was also reaching for the lady, who thought this was ever so cute and was none the wiser as to how close she'd been to becoming another unsuspecting victim of this little wallet lover. I'll need to keep my eye on her for sure!

The reason we were at the library in the first place was because we were getting ready for this week's activity.

Activity: Library box


Development: language, cognitive and learning
Materials needed: Board books, a box or container of some sort
Age: 6 months + (easily adapted for older or younger children, simply change the books - see the table at the bottom for ideas on how to do this)

While my little girl has other books that we read together, for this activity I only use board books as the focus is on her handling the books herself. As this may include turning pages, crawling all over them and perhaps even chewing them, I know that a paper book would soon become nothing more than a few shredded pages. Collecting a selection of books doesn't need to cost money. As mentioned earlier, we visited the library this week for our selection of books. I made sure to select a variety of books - different sizes, different topics, some touch and feel, some just stories and some just pictures. I placed them all into a shoe box and we we were done, she had her own little library. This box is out near her toys. I want her to feel that the books are hers and she is free to explore them when she wants.

So far, she has loved having her little library. As the books are in a container, she of course thoroughly enjoys pulling them out. Sometimes she'll choose just one book and look through it, sometimes they all come out and she then looks for the book she wants. Her particular favourites at the moment are touch and feel books. Sometimes we read the stories together, sometimes we talk about the pictures and I ask her questions, sometimes she just selects books and enjoys looking at the pictures or turning the pages. Occasionally, she even chooses a book to show to her best friend, our cat (I wish I had taken a picture of this). I have found that having her little library in our lounge has meant that we have done a lot more reading together and has been particularly handy for times when she has needed a little distracting or calming down.

It is not a new thing to say that reading is important for children, but how exactly does it help the brain's development? Very simply, the brain is made up of neurons with a network of connections between them which control everything that happens in the brain. These network connections grow with every experience we have and are pretty important as the more connections we have, the more ways of processing information we possess. Better Brains for Babies provide a simple explanation of the benefits of reading with your child:

When you read a story to your child or have a conversation with her, her brain makes connections for language and relationships. When they read the same story over and over again, connections in the brain become stronger. Every time children hear the same story, they learn something new. 
Not only does reading with my baby help her develop these brain connections and her language skills but providing the opportunity for her to handle the books herself also helps develop a positive association with books. Research has shown that children start developing literacy and language skills from a very young age. While it will be a long time before she is developmentally ready to actually read and write, these beginning positive experiences are laying a good foundation for this process. As Zero to Three states:

...the first three years of exploring and playing with books, singing nursery rhymes, listening to stories, recognizing words, and scribbling are truly the building blocks for language and literacy development. 
Alternatives: This activity is easily modified for different age groups. This table from Zero to Three contains some great ideas on how to select developmentally appropriate books for your little one. 


I'm sure this will be only the first of many activities related to books as I love reading. Even if I weren't a teacher, I would be passionate about promoting an enjoyment of reading as there is nothing better than sitting down with a book and finding yourself transported to another time or world.

Do you have a little library for your child? If so, I'd love to see a picture of it so please do share :)

Until next time,
Trish

Thanks to these pages for much of the information in this post
http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/early-language-literacy/earlyliteracy2pagehandout.pdf
http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/brain-development/baby-brain-map.html
http://www.bbbgeorgia.org/parents.php
http://www.bbbgeorgia.org/brainAnatomy.php


Tuesday 7 July 2015

Emptying wallets

In my household, we have entered the phase of food being thrown from the high chair which of course drives me insane! The good news is that it is all part of my daughter's learning. I might be driven crazy but her brain is hard at work. Repetition is key at her age and the following activity is one which she enjoys repeating over and over again.

Activity: Emptying wallets (and other containers)


Development: cognitive
and learning through repetition, fine motor skills 
Materials needed: A wallet with cards inside
Age: 6-12 months 

This has to be my daughter's favourite activity at the moment and it keeps her entertained for ages. She is drawn to wallets, regardless of who they belong to! If she spies my bag (or any bag belonging to an unsuspecting victim), it's not long before she finds her way over to it and with a quick search uncovers my wallet. Then she sits absorbed as she pulls out one card after another, turning each one over for a quick look before it is discarded and the process repeated again until the wallet is empty. Once her mission is complete she is off to her next activity unless she spots me replacing all the cards again, then she's straight over to have another go. 

This activity is great for her cognitive development. The repetition of this and any other activity, is a baby's way of experimenting and learning about their physical and social environment. With emptying a wallet, she is learning about full and empty. When throwing things from her high chair, she's learning about gravity. She is also learning about different weights, different textures and the different sounds an object can make. She watches my response (which generally is frustration when food is thrown from the highchair but is followed by me picking up whatever she has thrown) and is learning about responses. This is all reasoning. The repetition, as annoying as it can be at times, is necessary as it helps strengthen the connections in her brain. 

This activity is also excellent for her motor skills, particularly her fine motor skills. The smaller the object, the more it requires the use of her fine motor skills. Pulling cards out of a wallet is great for strengthening her pincer grasp. Handling different objects as she pulls them from whatever container they are helps her gain more dexterity in her fingers. 

Alternatives: There are so many alternatives for this activity. Essentially any container with different objects inside can be used - a washing basket filled with washing, a cardboard box filled with random items (that are safe for baby) from around the house, a plastic bowl from the kitchen with a collection of plastic and wooden kitchen utensils, the list is almost endless...

So there's my first activity. I'd love to know what containers and items your baby enjoys emptying, the more ideas the better!

Until next time,
Trish

Thanks to these sites for much of the information in this post.  
http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/brain-development/baby-brain-map.html
http://www.parents.com/advice/babies/baby-development/when-will-my-baby-develop-a-pincer-grasp/

Monday 6 July 2015

Helping your baby's brain development


As a primary school teacher who has taught some very cute five year old's just starting out at school, I've seen a variety of ability levels entering the classroom. Before going on maternity leave, I taught at a school which used the Building Blocks to Literacy approach to learning. Essentially this approach believes that before a child is ready and able to develop their reading and writing ability, they need certain 'building blocks' in place. These 'building blocks' or physical skills cover the domains of listening, talking, moving, print and looking.

Obviously I can't go into what this looks like in each domain as it quite a comprehensive program. Some child arrive at school with all the skills already in place, some arrive with a few and sometimes, some arrive with none. The majority of the time, it is the differing social and cultural background of a child that shapes their experience in the early years, which then shapes their readiness for learning upon entering school.

Obviously my child (9 months old) is still far off entering school. Yet I am amazed by all that she has learnt already. For example, she loves books and in particular, loves turning the pages of books. Yet this is something that some children come to school not knowing as they simply have not had that exposure to books. 

It is said that the human brain develops more rapidly between birth and the age of 5 than at any other time in a person's life. That is amazing and also quite a lot of responsibility for any parent! 

With all this in mind, I've decided to start a new 'season' to my blog. I want to investigate activities that stimulate my little girl - activities that keep her occupied but which are also developmentally appropriate. While I'm interested to know how exactly they benefit her, I also just want to keep her entertained. I'm sure all mum's have experienced the short attention span of a baby. One day they love something, the next they're over it. It can be quite a tiring task keeping them occupied and entertained all day. 

My plan is to investigate developmentally appropriate activities that can be done using things around the house, or are essentially free (as money is very tight for most when you're relying on one income), get her to try them out and share them with you. I imagine she'll be interested in some and not quite as interested in others, but hopefully by sharing, it might give you some more ideas for things to do at home as well. I also want to look into activities that she is already interested in doing and find out what exactly she is learning from them, simply because it's quite fascinating how little people develop. In saying all this, I am most definitely not trying to push her into learning. Learning happens regardless and at this age, learning happens through their investigating and play. I simply want to help facilitate and enrich this natural process. 

So watch this space, I hope to have the first activity up at some stage in this week. If you happen to have an activity that you have found particularly good, please feel free to share it too.  

Thursday 11 June 2015

What if today were your last?

My blog has remained fairly silent over the past month or so as I have been occupied with all the little things life has thrown my way, plus I have picked up a little bit of work from home - who knew that working from home was so time consuming!? It's work that requires a fair bit of concentration so can only be completed when Miss A is asleep...which is also when I generally complete all other chores...so this working from home business really means the tiny bit of free time that may previously have existed is now consumed with work leaving little time for anything else at all. I'm not complaining though, for now it is a great situation to be in as it means I get to remain at home with Miss A for a little bit longer and have the joy of witnessing all her little milestones. We finally have a crawler (at almost 9 months!) plus the first tooth on the way, a big week in our house hold!

The other reason for my lack of blogging has been that I have felt uninspired when it has come to writing. I simply haven't known what to write about! Don't get me wrong, my mind has been it's usual active, jumbled mess of thoughts and ideas, but the things I seem to be reflecting on most and would like to share have seemed too deep and not directly related to motherhood, so I have held back and instead you have received silence.

Until today. Today I've made the decision that this blog might take a slight change in direction. Why limit it to my experiences of motherhood...well apart from the name "Hello Motherhood" of course! While being a mother is an incredibly important part of me, I am not 'just' a mother. Limiting myself to just motherhood related topics is cutting off a massive part of me. However, my thoughts, whether directly related to motherhood or not, are still influenced by being a mother. I suppose motherhood is now a new lens through which life events are viewed. So what I'm saying is this just means I can write about anything at all.

This really is just a big disclaimer for any upcoming blogs...if you choose to continue reading "Hello Motherhood" be prepared to take a meandering journey through whatever musings I happen to have at the time, sometimes lighthearted, sometimes deeper...

So to jump straight into it, this week I have been reflecting on life in general. There have been a few tragic stories in the news lately about lives cut short. I suppose actually this is true of every week but for some reason I have taken more notice this week. One in particular has stood out, that of Jerry Collins and his partner, simply because they were not much older than myself and left behind a beautiful little girl who is herself fighting for her life. It epitomizes sadness to me.

The reality is that most of us do not wake up in the morning expecting that today will be our last day. We assume that we'll wake up, go about our daily business, go to bed and then the cycle will repeat again tomorrow. This is of course our experience of life so far.

Yet today could be my last day. It could be your last day. I hope it's not but it could be.

Pondering this has made me appreciate that every day is a gift. Every day that I am alive is another day I get to spend with people I love, surrounded by the beauty of creation.

It is a gift but I treat it as a right. I take it for granted. I fritter away my time assuming that I have plenty more where it came from.

I know the saying goes that you should live every day as your last. I don't think this is realistic though. If we were to do this, I imagine we'd have an incredibly overweight population who each day indulge in their favourite, albeit unhealthy, meal in case it really is their last day. And why exercise if it's your last day? Or clean? There definitely wouldn't be any cleaning going on in my house if I truly thought today was my last day.

However, the sentiment behind the saying is one which I appreciate, one which challenges me on how I spent my time. If today were my last day, I would fill it with time with my family, my husband and daughter as well as extended family.

When I die, I don't want to regret how I spent my time. Time is something you can't get more of. No matter how rich you are, you can't buy time. You can get and lose money, friends, family and possessions but not time. Once this second has passed, that's it, it's not coming back. Perhaps this means that instead of spending many hours at work in order to have a bit more money, I'll instead spend it with my daughter and in the process sacrifice a bigger house, new clothes, holidays etc. Well I hope I can do this anyway.

Another thing that reflecting on this rather morbid topic of our limited days has made me appreciate is the fact that I have hope. While I hate the thought of dying because I don't want to leave the people I love, I also know that it won't be the end of me. I have hope because it is just the start of a new life. An eternal life in which there is no evil, no suffering, no pain but instead a life filled with joy, love and good things. It's hard to imagine but I know it exists and so I have hope. I have this hope because I am a Christian. This is something else that you'll find throughout my blogs as, like motherhood, or even more so than motherhood, my faith is a lens through which I view life.

So where does this leave me?

It leaves me appreciative of the time I have already lived and happy that today, I have survived another day. Hopefully I will get to grow old with my husband and watch my daughter (and any future children) grow up but regardless of how many days I have left, I hope that the way in which I spend my time reflects my priorities - my family.








Thursday 21 May 2015

Having hope when you don't have sleep...or as much sleep as you would like anyway


Until I became a mother, I had never thought much about the description "your heart drops" yet it is something I have now contemplated often. It is amazing how accurate a description it is. I've woken more times than I would have liked in the morning to the sound of an awake baby and my heart drops when I realise it's only 5 am.  I've sat down to enjoy a few moments peace with Miss A down for a nap when after only a couple of minutes my heart has dropped as I hear her stir. I could give numerous examples of my heart dropping and they all relate to sleep! Each time, my body flinches and it literally feels like my heart drops within me as I contemplate another early morning, another night waking, another short nap. 

I never thought I'd write a post on baby sleep. I was quite determined not too really, simply because there are so many posts out there on this particular topic. Yet here I am, doing just that. When I stop to think about it, the reason there are so many posts on baby sleep is because unless you happen to be one of the lucky few who has an amazing sleeper, it is something that pretty much dominates your life as a new mother. 

I had a pretty good sleeper, for the first week anyway! Now she goes through phases.  We are definitely not one of the lucky ones with a baby who has slept through the night from 6 weeks old and then has amazing day sleeps too. In fact we don't get either of those. I know it's all relative and there are mums with babies whose sleep is far worse than my own so I do acknowledge that. At the same time, my experience with sleep, or lack of, is an ongoing frustration. 

I didn't want to be a mother that obsessed with sleep. I try not to but sometimes it just seems impossible to avoid. Particularly over the past month or so...basically since we transitioned to two sleeps. At first things went ok, Miss A transitioned well, she was coping with two sleeps and we had ourselves into a routine. I thrive on routine so this was good! Then the sleeps started getting shorter and shorter. At first it was two lots of 45 minutes. The dreaded 45 minute one sleep cycle. No resettling possible. It was driving me insane. I tried keeping her up longer and feeding her more, but nothing worked. She was wearing me out. 

Then it got worse!

45 minutes reduced to 30 minutes. Only 2 half hour naps a day. OH MY GOODNESS!!! Suddenly 45 minutes looked great! I was worried too as from what I head heard, 30 minutes equaled overtired, yet no matter how long or short I kept her up for, apart from the very odd occasion, 30 minutes is all we got and definitely no resettles. I headed to Google in an attempt to solve the problem. I didn't like what I found. Lots of people said this catnapping phase was something that you just had to put up with. PUT UP WITH!? I don't think so. 

I continued my search and luckily came across a couple of people who said that that the problem was that their babies just weren't tired enough. I had tried keeping Miss A up for longer with little result but it wasn't until someone mentioned that their baby had slept better since they began crawling that I realised that potentially, Miss A was simply not physically tired enough to sleep well. While she happily rolls around on the carpet and exerts some energy (not so happily) in an attempt to crawl, this clearly wasn't cutting the mustard. What could I do? Out came the jolly jumper.  In she goes every awake time now and thankfully it's something she enjoys. It seems to be working. The sleeps have generally gotten longer, even hitting, and occasionally surpassing, the one hour mark. Finally I get a chance to do a few other things, even enjoy a cup of tea occasionally, and finally we have some routine back...until the next sleep challenge anyway (perhaps sleeping through the night?).

It's interesting how babies wear you down. This lack of time to do anything was definitely wearing me down. The lack of sleeping through the night is also definitely wearing me down. I meet with a small group for bible study most weeks and the first thing that us mums generally talk about is our children and the challenges we are facing. We all face different issues but the reality is that regardless of the issue, we are worn out and this business of raising little people is hard work! And this is coming from mums who have other children too, not just first time mums. However we all have babies and it seems that these first couple of years are exhausting, largely because of sleep, or lack thereof. 

In one of our recent studies we were challenged by these words:
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way. - Viktor E. Frankl (survivor of the Holocaust) 

I have to admit I struggle to have a good attitude, particularly when I'm tired, which is most of the time. I like the above quote because it gives me some perspective. I might feel trapped in whatever the latest challenge is but I do still have some control (and with me being a control freak this is pretty important). I could say that I have made an amazing attitude shift since reading this and now embrace each challenge as I look forward to it developing character within me. That would be a complete LIE! In reality, the energy required to change my attitude is sometimes more energy than I have available. So instead of having a complete attitude makeover, I have tried to make a small shift instead. Rather than dwelling on the negative now, I am trying to remind myself of the phrase often quoted by mums around the world, "this too shall pass." It might not pass in the next day, the next week, the next month or even the next year, but it will pass. I look back and it is true of so many experiences...those early days when a night feed always meant at least 2 hours up, the four month regression when she just wouldn't settle, the nights when she thought 3am meant play time for some odd reason...there are many more times and there will continue to be many more. 

While I'm glad that we have progressed past some of these challenges, with each new one I will have to try and remind myself to check my attitude and dwell on the fact that the latest challenge will pass. 

This idea gives me hope. 

So I might not have as much sleep as I would like, either during the day or the night, but I have hope that it will pass, that one day Miss A will have really good day sleeps and will sleep through the night and that one day I too will once again sleep through the night...let's just hope it's sooner rather than later!


Sunday 10 May 2015

Dear Mum...



Dear Mum,

Becoming a Mum myself in the past year has opened my eyes to some of what you went through raising me. Obviously I was the perfect child and a complete angel, although in your sleep deprived state may remember things slightly differently, yet there are still many things that you have done for which you have never been thanked, or not from me at least. I thought it was time that I rectified that so here goes.

Thank you for suffering sleep deprivation for two years as night after night you dragged yourself from bed (if you were lucky enough to get there in the first place) to ensure my needs/wants were met. Thank you for the hours you spent trying to settle me to sleep, only for me to wake as soon as you went to leave the room. Thank you for the patience and determination you exercised to survive dealing with a sick baby for the majority of those two years. Thank you for somehow keeping your sanity despite it all!

Thank you for giving me a brother. As annoying as he could be at times, and I mean really annoying, it was great having someone who I could force into playing barbies, make do all the things I didn't want to do and use as a scapegoat.  Seriously though, I’m sure we drove you insane many times with our constant bickering but I appreciated having a brother and a playmate.
   
Thank you for sacrificing your career while I was young and choosing to stay at home (for the majority of the time anyway) and look after me, for working alongside other mums at the play centre when I was little to provide us kids with creative and fun activities and for carting me along to various play dates.   

Thank you for modelling the importance of volunteering to me…at Sunday school, at school fairs and numerous other church events. While you may have a little more time on your hands these days after we all flew the coop (and only a little more time as you now work far too hard), I’m not sure how you made the time when we were both at home.

Thank you for ensuring I grew up in an environment that didn't place value on wearing the latest fashions and labels. I absolutely hated not having label clothes when I was young. I hated shopping at factory shops and being told that labels didn't matter. I know I constantly nagged you to buy me label clothes. Yet now, this is one of the lessons I value the most and continue to live out. In saying all of the above, thank you for on the odd occasion finally submitting to my nagging and allowing me to buy a label brand…which in hindsight, didn't turn out to be all that amazing after all. Who would have thought?!

Thank you for all the baking you did, particularly birthday cakes, and for teaching me how to bake. I loved choosing cakes from the birthday cake book each year. I still remember my first attempt at a cake all on my own…I accidentally doubled some of the ingredients and when I came looking for you in a panic, you stepped in and helped me fix the problem. I still have some of those cake tins. Thank you for always letting us lick the bowel and beaters, not using a spatula to scrape it first! Another baking memory I find highly amusing is one in which you were using the electric mixer to beat some cake mixture. Never one to miss out on cake mixture, I stood alongside you attempting to dip my finger in and grab a sneaky lick. You warned me not to do it. You warned me that I would get hurt. I may have listened, for a minute anyway, but soon enough that finger was back in there and sure enough, the beater got me and I howled in pain. You felt terrible. I’m sure I never did it again though!

Thank you for pushing me to learn an instrument and encouraging me towards the piano not the recorder (how you must have been rejoiced when music teachers said my fingers were too small for the recorder anyway!). While I gave it up in the end, I still love the fact that I can read music and play the piano to some degree.

Thank you for teaching me to sew. Sewing is such a valuable skill and I love the fact that I can now exercise my own creativity through it. As a child, I loved watching you lay out patterns with your triangular metal weights. I was, and still am, amazed by your abilities to produce various creative items for school galas. Thank you for all the clothes you made me…although I’m not so sure those matching tracksuits we had were the best creation in hindsight but I suppose at the time, they fitted the era. Thank you for sewing all three of my ball dresses and for helping me fulfill my dream of making my own wedding dress. Thank you for the dress up clothes you sewed for me. I distinctly remember my pink tutu, the white nurse’s outfit and my absolute favourite, the wedding dress. I wore that wedding dress all the time! It got to the point that at any dress up party I went to, and there were a few, people knew I would wear it. I think they were jealous. Most of them dressed up in their ballet outfits and really, that’s not dress up if you wear it normally anyway. So there they were in their pretty, but not that exciting, ballet outfits and I would turn up in my beautiful wedding dress. Stoked!

Thank you for the hours you spent watching sports events, particularly cross country. It must have been so boring!!! Yet week after week you carted me along and stood there, perhaps chatting to other parents or teachers, waiting for me to finish yet another run. I remember one run which involved traversing a vineyard. It was a scorcher of a day and I was desperately struggling on the run. As I approached the start/finish line, I was so relieved to finally have made it, only to be told that there was still another lap to go, and not just another lap, an even longer lap! I wanted to give up but you encouraged me to continue.  

Thank you for letting me do gymnastics even though everyone else was doing ballet. Thank you for the afternoons you spent carting me along to training sessions, pre-prepared snack to see me through as we completed my homework while waiting for practice to begin. Thank you also for letting me quit when I did rather than push me to continue with something I was not enjoying anymore.
Thank you for demonstrating a love of reading and encouraging the same in me.

Thank you for battling through those few years when the lovely, charming child that I had been (I’m sure I was, wasn't I?) was replaced by a hugely difficult and argumentative (slight understatement) preteen who engaged in constant fights with you. To this day, I can’t remember the topic of any of those fights but I do remember yelling at you. I know one time I even said I hated you. I didn't mean it. I felt terrible as soon as I said it, but in my stubbornness (yes that renowned stubbornness) I wasn't about to say sorry. I am sorry though. Thank you for not making a big deal of it.

Thank you for all the tough times you went through, all the sacrifices you and Dad made, in moving us from South Africa to New Zealand. Thank you for having the courage and determination to make the move to ensure we had the best future you could provide. Obviously I didn't appreciate it at the time. I lay at night plotting how I was going to run away so that I didn't have to move. Fortunately my plans came to nothing and instead, here I am in New Zealand, having enjoyed a relatively safe upbringing, a good education and plenty of opportunities. I’m not saying South Africa couldn't have provided all of those as I just don’t know, but I think we did pretty well in New Zealand.

Thank you for all the support you provided when I went to Kenya for a year, for the emails, phone calls and parcels you sent. Although you have moved while I was away (a very good way of getting rid of the kids I have to say), thank you for coming back when I returned from my travels to help me settle into a new flat.

Thank you for the effort you and Dad put into your relationship which allowed me to grow up in a safe, secure and loving environment. Thank you for parenting from a united front. Thank you for being strict and for consistently providing me with clear and strong boundaries. Yes that last one I definitely didn't appreciate at the time.

Thank you for all the support you have shown through my own parenting journey, for ensuring you visited in those early weeks and for the visits you have made since. I hope Miss A will grow up having a great relationship with her Nana.

There are many things that I will have missed, many sacrifices I know you will have made that I didn't notice, many thankless tasks that you performed that will continue to go without thanks. I guess that’s what happens as a Mum…lots for me to looking forward to! I know we haven’t always gotten on and we haven’t always been friends (which is good as you were too busy being a parent and I was too busy growing up) but I’m glad that now that I have grown up, our relationship has developed to where it is now.  One day, Miss A might ask me this question and I’ll reply like this:


Seriously though, thank you for being a wonderful mother. I’m so blessed to have you.

Much love
Trish




Wednesday 29 April 2015

Cloth nappies: saving money and saving the environment


Nappies, nappies, nappies. So much of your time as a parent is spent surrounded by nappies! So why not blog about nappies? Not just any nappies. This week (or fortnight) is Cloth Nappy Week in New Zealand and as I am a total fan of cloth nappies, it seemed only appropriate that I share a bit on the topic. I'll try and keep it to just that, a bit, but I have a lot to say about cloth nappies. I'm someone who is generally labelled as quiet (yet I write a blog???), but this is one topic where I find it hard to contain my enthusiasm for the subject, but I will do my best.

Before you grimace in horror at the thought of using cloth nappies, let me reassure you that cloth nappies, or modern cloth nappies (MCN), no longer refers to those big, white, complicated to fold nappies that our mothers and grandmothers used back in the day. MCNs are fitted, compact, easy to use and come in a range of super cute designs.

In fact, when it comes to MCNs, the options are so endless that it can be a bit of a problem trying to get your head around everything when you first start out. I know I encountered this when I began delving into the world of MCNs. I did so much reading on different nappy systems (terms like prefold, fitted, pocket, snap in, all in ones soon become quite familiar), whether to use sized or one size fits all and what type of insert to use (cotton, microfiber, hemp, bamboo to name a few). Confused already? Don't worry, there is an amazing New Zealand website, The Nappy Lady, that lays out everything you need to know in a very readable and user friendly way.

I could share all the information I have gained from my readings but I did promise to try and contain myself, so if you are looking into MCNs (and I really think you should) then visit this website. Instead, I thought I'd share a couple of very convincing reasons for using cloth nappies and a few tips I have picked up from my experience so far.

So jumping straight into it, why use MCNs? For me, there were two main reasons: the cost and the benefits to the environment. I'll be honest and say that if it turned out that MCNs cost more than disposables, we probably wouldn't have gone done this route because as much as we want to look after the environment, we simply don't have the funds to do this now we're down to one income. I'm jumping ahead of myself now though. Read on...

The cost

As I said, for us this was the biggest factor. When you first look into cloth nappies, you might balk at the cost. At $20-$30 a cloth nappy, it seems expensive. However it doesn't take long to see that cloth nappies are far, far cheaper than using disposables. I could lay out the costs using my own experience but really, why invent the wheel? The Nappy Lady website has done this already so I have simply borrowed my information from there. It makes for some impressive reading, and I'm only borrowing a few figures, visit the site for a more detailed breakdown of costs.

Cost of disposable for 1 child (incl. rubbish bags and wipes): $4845
Cost of cloth nappies for 1 child (incl. washing and cloth wipes): $1452.77

So using cloth nappies is a savings of $3392.23 per a child.

That is a lot of money, particularly if you're down to one income as many are. If you use your nappies for more than one child, well the savings just continue. Plus, at the end, they might be in good enough nick that you could sell them on Trade Me...trying doing that with your used disposables, not too many takers for them I would imagine!

The environment

Disposable nappies are just that, disposable. They are used once then thrown away. Great for parents, not so great for the environment. After all, our waste goes somewhere and just because we can't see it, doesn't mean it ceases to exist. For the first few weeks of Miss A's life we used disposable nappies full time and we put out at least one rubbish bag a week. Now we're on cloth full time, we might put out one bag a fortnight. That's a lot of bags not going to the dump, and we're only one household.

Those two factors add up to a pretty convincing argument to use MCNs in my opinion. It's just logical. I won't continue to push it though, rather, if you do decide to go down the MCN path, here are a few tips I have from my experience so far. Actually, even if you aren't considering MCNs read on, as not all the tips relate to cloth nappies, but just nappies in general.

#1 If possible, head along to a Nappy Lady Workshop. Here you'll be presented with so much useful information about MCNs (that comes in a handy booklet you get to take home and peruse at your leisure, because trust me, you won't be able to take it all in at the workshop), have the chance to view a huge range of nappies and best of all, come away with a pack which includes 3 different cloth nappies (worth over $90). The workshops cost $25 but hey, you get the pack worth far more so it's totally worth it.

#2 Don't buy your nappies before baby arrives! Instead, build up a collection which contains a few different types (your handy pack from #1 is the perfect base for this) and trial them first. This is not my tip but rather one I heard over and over again and am so glad that I took on board. Different nappies will suit different babies. I found the nappies I ended up with were not ones I initially would have purchased if I hadn't trialed first. I also found it incredibly helpful when friends with cloth nappies let me borrow one to two to trial...this might seem weird, sharing nappies, but really, they've been washed, they're clean, it's totally fine, and so much cheaper than buying your own just to trial. Alternatively check out Trade Me or second hand baby shops.

#3 Ease into cloth nappy use. Having a newborn is exhausting and if it is your first, there is already so much else to deal with without attempting cloth nappies too, so give yourself a few weeks to adjust first. In saying this, some people use cloth full time from the start and that's okay too. I personally started out with disposables and gradually introduced cloth nappies, first aiming to use just one cloth nappy a day, then two and after that, I had the hang of it and it was quite easy to swap over to cloth. In saying that, you don't have to use cloth full time. Some people use cloth nappies just at home, only during the day or night or maybe just one or two a day. All of these options are great, you're still saving money and putting out less rubbish, so it definitely doesn't have to be an all or nothing approach.

#4 Combine washing. Let's be honest, life with a baby consists of A LOT of washing so why would anyone in their right mind want to add more through using cloth nappies? Fair question. Well, the simple solution is to not do more washing. How? I chuck my nappies into the washing machine, put them through a rinse cycle, and then add in the rest of Miss A's washing and do a full cycle from the start. So yes, it takes extra water, but not extra loads. You may need a few extra pegs though.

#5 The sun is your best friend! I had heard that the sun would remove those stubborn stains but I didn't believe it, surely it was a myth. But no, IT'S TRUE! The sun is amazing. When at all possible, I hang my nappies out in the sun and the stains just disappear.  Winter will be a bit more of a challenge but I'll deal with that challenge when it arrives.

#6 Pamol can stain nappies. I'm just including this as I freaked out when suddenly these weird, greyish stains appeared on one of two of Miss A's nappies. At first I thought it was some sort of mould but after a little research, I discovered that pamol (or other medicines in different parts of the world) can create this discolouration. The nappies are clean and completely fine to sure and the stains will fade over time in the sun.

#7 Redbush tea is your other best friend. Okay this isn't actually linked to cloth nappies, just something I wanted to share. Redbush tea (or Rooibos tea if you're South African as I am) has so many amazing health properties and benefits. One that I stumbled across online is its ability to prevent nappy rash. I make a cup of tea, pour it into a spray bottle (it lasts for ages), and use a little at each nappy change. It is remarkable what a difference it makes as when I don't use, we deal with nappy rash far more often than when we do use it. Redbush tea can be found in most supermarkets in the normal tea section, or in the South African section if you're lucky enough to have one.

#8 Cloth wipes. When we first arrived home with Miss A, the thing that overwhelmed me most was using cloth wipes. I had them all ready to go, but I didn't have a system! How was I going to use them? How would I wet them without leaving Miss A unattended on the change table? Where would they go once they had been used? I was actually in tears that first afternoon as it was all too much. I do think that excessive hormones and having a tiny human being in the house for the first time may have contributed slightly to this though. After overcoming this initial obstacle, I love cloth wipes! I decided to use cloth wipes after hearing so many horror stories about the chemicals in wipes. You can buy cloth wipes or make your own, which is what I did. I simply found a sheet at an op shop (a soft, flannelette one is perfect) for a couple of dollars, cut it up and overlocked the edges. I recommend making the wipes a decent size (mine are about 25cm x 25cm) so you only need one each change and they easily cover your hand. I found a container which is next to the change table and I have a few wet wipes in here at a time. Once used, they go in with the nappies and as I'm already washing nappies, there is no additional washing. Another handy hint, buy two different sheets. This way, it is easy to distinguish between bum wipes and other wipes.

#9 Invest in a a wet bag. These are waterproof, washable bags which you can use for dirty nappies while out and about instead of using plastic bags. At home, the nappy and bag simply go into the wash (obviously taking the nappy out of the bag first!)

Finally, I thought I'd share which nappies I use you. I am not sponsored by these brands (if only!) and remember, every baby will suit different nappies  so your experience will be different to mine.

I have 2 types of nappies in my stash, one for the day and one for the night. Both types are one size fits all (OSFA) as I really didn't want to bother with buying 3 different sized nappies which is the alternative option. A slight side note before I continue, despite the name, generally OSFA nappies don't fit newborns so when I started, I brought a few small nappies from a second hand shop. I used these as I got used to cloth nappies and while deciding what nappy system to go with.

Peapods: These are my day nappies and I chose them for several reasons.

  • They have adjustable elastic in the leg gussets. This means that as Miss A grows and goes through skinny or chubby phases, I simply adjust the legs to avoid leakages. 
  • They can be used as snap in or pocket nappies. 99% of the time I use them as snap ins. This means that as long as the cover of the nappy is still dry, all I have to do is change the insert, definitely saving in washing. 
  • They have a trifold insert which is really absorbent. As it unfolds, it is easy to dry (although they can still take a while) and the way in which it is designed means the top layer is a stay dry layer and the bottom 2 layers are bamboo, so quite absorbent. 
  • They do up with snaps, making them difficult for little hands to undo. 


spots n bots: These are an Australian brand that my mum found at a market, designed by a mum for her baby. Since then the company has taken off. A few things I really like about them:

  • They are a pocket style nappy which fit quite securely. I have only had one leak so far which was my fault as I put the  nappy on too loosely. 
  • They close with Velcro, meaning that if a nappy change is necessary at night, I don't need to fiddle around with snaps.
  • They easily fit several inserts so as Miss A grows, I can add additional boosters if necessary. Currently I use 2 inserts. One may be enough, I just have never tried, and right now I love the limited sleep I do get to risk it. 
  • I love the feel of the fabric! They have a waterproof PUL minky cover which is very soft and micro-suede lining which keeps bubs feeling dry at night. 

So there we go, the end is in sight. I have done my best to contain myself on this topic, believe me, I could have written so much more! If you are still wavering about whether or not to use cloth nappies, they come with my husband's recommendation too. After overcoming his initial reluctance and receiving a short demonstration, he stated that he in fact found them far easier than disposables! That is quite something coming from a guy in my opinion. 

What is your experience with cloth nappies? I'd love to hear any tips you have to share? Leave a comment below or on my facebook page. Alternatively, if you have any questions, feel free to ask them too. 






Wednesday 22 April 2015

A pretty white dress occasion

"Why, oh why am I doing this???" This was the thought constantly circulating through my mind last week as I contemplated preparing for Miss A's baby dedication. It all just seemed like too much work.

We only planned a small gathering, roughly 20 or so people, yet as the week wore on, the task appeared daunting - there was food and drink to organise, a meeting with the pastor to discuss the ceremony, a garden to get presentable and of course, a house to clean. None of it made any easier with the development of Miss A's first cold and her constant early morning wake ups (anything beginning with a 5 is not fondly welcomed in my eyes!).

Before I go on, I'd better explain what a baby dedication is. It's a little bit like a baby Christening but also a little bit different. Essentially it is a time when the parents declare their intention to raise their baby in the Christian faith and the baby is prayed over and blessed. Many baby dedications are held in churches but nowadays, they are also held in homes. We chose to do the latter option as for us, it was an occasion where we wanted the people who would be involved in raising Miss A present and they don't necessarily go to our church, or any church at all. 

As we have a small house we had hoped to hold the ceremony outside, hence the garden preparation. Come Saturday though, the weather was not in our favour. So much for all the gardening preparation! After pouring with rain all morning it was a big relief when the clouds parted and the sun made a welcome appearance in the afternoon. Preparations got under way, the furniture was pushed back, piles of stuff was dumped behind the closed door of our bedroom (or just in plain view in the corridor), bunting was hung and the food slowly made its way to the table. 

We were ready. 

Thankfully Miss A had a sleep before the occasion although even this didn't prevent the tears when confronted with so many people. Poor thing. I think that she may be like her mother and like quiet surroundings. Funnily enough, when it got to the part when she was up the front, she was perfectly happy to babble away and flash her smile at everyone. I finally got to dress her in something girly too...a pretty white dress I had purchased just for the occasion. In my wardrobe there are 2 special white dresses, my Christening dress and my wedding dress. Hopefully she'll get to have the same. Unfortunately, due to the cold weather, she ended up swamped under a cardy and wearing tights, with the end result that she looked rather like a fluffy marshmallow in my opinion.

The actual ceremony was short. Our pastor came along to lead it, he's a pretty chilled out guy which completely matched the occasion. He spoke for a few moments, my sister-in-law did a reading and then we talked briefly about the meaning of Miss A's name and our hopes as parents. We shared with those gathered that our desire was to raise Miss A in a home in which she learnt about Jesus but also saw him displayed in the way we lived our lives. We also talked about the idea that it takes a village to raise a child and invited those present to partner with us in raising Miss A, whether it be through prayer, encouragement, spending time with her or even disciplining her if she was acting up as she got older. After this, the pastor closed in prayer and that was that. We enjoyed some delicious food, fellowship with friends and in the case of my husband, brotherly antics that saw him with chilli covered burning face...not so pleasant. People slowly began leaving until it was just us, our parents and a lot to clean up. Thank goodness parents are so good at cleaning!

At the end of the day, while it was a lovely occasion, it seemed like a lot of effort and energy for such a short ceremony. 

However when I reflect on it, I think that the length in no way reflects the importance. It was in fact quite a significant occasion for many reasons. 

As parents, hubby and I had to think about how we want to raise Miss A (and future children). We took time, or grabbed time in between attempting to complete other tasks, to discuss this. I think the most important thing though was that we made a public declaration of our intention and invited others to partner with us. 

We live in an age where the idea of a village raising a child is something that has been somewhat lost. Instead, we live individualised lives and it is often now only the parents who hold all authority, for want of a better word. There is no village, no input from others and we all tread carefully so as not to impinge of anyone else's family. I know I have been in situations where I have wondered whether or not I am allowed to say something to a child who is behaving in a particular way that is not appropriate, especially when the mother is within earshot and hasn't said anything. Generally I opt not to say anything simply out of fear of offending the mother (or father if it is the father present). Is this the best option though? Yes everyone parents in a different way yet does that mean I or my child need to put up with disrespectful or dangerous behaviour simply to ensure social etiquette is maintained? 

As a teacher, when a child is in my classroom, I have no problem with this question as I know that having that child in the classroom comes with permission by parents to discipline their child (appropriately of course). Imagine if I couldn't? I'd end up with a class running riot and no one able to learn! Okay that might be a slight exaggeration but it is a very definite scenario depending on which children happen to be in the class. It is slightly trickier to discipline if the parent happens to be in the classroom at the time, perhaps doing parent help, and a child acts up and the parent says nothing as then it becomes a case of whose responsibility is it...or does the parent actually find that particular behaviour acceptable? Ultimately however, in my classroom, we have rules, we all know and agree on the rules and part of my job is ensuring these rules are followed through on. They're not rules for the sake of rules, but rather to ensure a safe and respectful environment for all who are present. 

Out of the classroom though and it's a different scenario. We live in an age of tolerance but we also live in an age of an expanding global population. There are more and more people who we cross paths with on a daily basis. More and more toes to tred on! How we live can directly impact others. Not all our decisions do of course but there are definitely some that do. I strongly believe that we have a responsibility to consider how our actions affect others. I don't mean that we have to alter our behaviour to ensure we are constantly pleasing others as that is in no way healthy, but we do need to think about whether we, or our children, are acting in a way that may cause harm to someone else or their property, because if we are, it's just not fair. I know life is not fair, but really, this is just not fair. It comes down to that age old idea of treating others in the way that you would like to be treated. 

Now of course, in New Zealand we don't live in villages. Our communities look very different to what they used to when it was just the people around you that made up your 'village'. So I didn't invite our entire suburb the baby dedication, that simply would have been impracticable and incredibly weird, but I did invite those whom I hope will be involved significantly in Miss A's life. I hope that through acknowledging their importance in our lives and inviting them to partner with us in bringing up Miss A, they will take on board this invitation and should Miss A ever act up in their presence (and let's be honest, that's more a when not an if), particularly if I'm not around, then they will feel comfortable to correct her behaviour. I want Miss A growing up knowing how to respectfully behave in different situations and with different people. Hopefully, this invitation will remove the doubt that I find myself faced with on occasion.

So will a village raise my child? I hope so! After all, if there is a village raising Miss A, that's a lot less work for me as the burden is shared and in addition, she gets a far richer upbringing as she interacts with different people, hopefully in a respectful way. That's a winning scenario for everyone I think.

That's my opinion though, I'd love to know your thoughts on the idea of others being involved in raising your child/ren? Let me know in the comments below or on my Facebook page.

Have a great week,
Trish xx




Thursday 16 April 2015

Being just a regular mum

Perhaps last week I shouldn't have shared my happiness at Miss A's ability to use the toilet as of course, this week, she has reversed proceedings and demonstrated an inability to not just use the toilet, but to go at all. The poor thing is suffering from constipation.

Just another of the regular challenges facing a mother.

After several days of no movements despite feeding her pear and prune puree, encouraging exercise and lots of tummy massage, Saturday saw her screaming in pain as she desperately tried to push with no results. Eek, what mother can stand that! Off to the A and E it was. I hate visiting the doctors, particularly as a new mother. I actually try my best to solve the problem before heading to the doctors as I constantly feel that I am the paranoid new mother turning up for no valid reason. Of course it is always better to be safe than sorry and I generally do feel better for the visit.  Anyway, hubby rang ahead and checked there was no queue while I bundled Miss A into the car and headed down the road, it's literally a 2 minute drive. Of course, in that 2 minutes, she stopped crying so come time for me to head to reception and explain my daughter was in pain, she was flashing her smile around and charming the pants off everyone. I felt like a fraud circling "severe pain" on the form! Once again, that 'paranoid new mother' sign was flashing away.

"Well you certainly make gorgeous babies", was the way I was greeted by the doctor. Um, thanks but slightly awkward! After a quick examination to ensure there was nothing else wrong plus a talk on constipation "just for my information" which included the fact that the majority of the population actually suffers from constipation without realising it and Kellogs All Bran is the best breakfast cereal to eat to prevent the problem, we were sent on our way with a script of some sugary medicine that should get things going.

Excellent.

New problem. Getting Miss A to take 5mls of this sugary substance. We attempted adding it to water, then adding it to food before finally holding her down and syringing in it. This child is stubborn. We eventually got most of it in. Problem solved we hoped.

By this time we were running behind schedule as we were due at a friend's house for the evening so off we went. I always dread a night out in which we have to settle Miss A at someone else's house. I love seeing people of course, it's just the settling part that is the issue as my first experience was not pleasant. It included a couple of hours of attempted settling, lots of tears from Miss A and an early exit by us with an overtired baby and a hungry, embarrassed and stressed out mother. In short, it was a total disaster! Thankfully, since then, she has settled the few times we have tried it but I still always worry that she won't.

Fortunately, despite the problems from earlier in the day, she settled without any problems. I sat down, relaxed, and looked forward to an evening with friends, particularly as this was a farewell for a couple moving overseas for 3 years.

The evening didn't go quite as planned unfortunately as just as we sat down for dinner, Miss A woke up. This is very out of character for her. In I went to resettle and out I went again. She was still awake. The process repeated and I eventually gave up when it was evident that she was not having a bar of it. Turns out that in the space of a few hours, she had developed a cold. Our first real cold!!! Another early exit for us as we headed home to get our bubs into bed.

The past few days have seen her battling this cold, not helped by the winter chill either. It has left me frustrated. I am used to a relatively chilled out baby, not a constantly clingy one who wants to be held all the time but when held is still unhappy being. There are so many things I have wanted/needed to get done this week with my parents visiting from Australia for a few days, Miss A's dedication at our place on Saturday and a garden in dire need of some attention before this event. Plus the general house work, sewing for Mubs, taxes to be calculated and the list goes on. Needless to say, not much has been achieved. Such is life. Our routines are out the window and I have just had to roll with it...something that I struggle with to say the least.

This cold continued to impact the household. On Tuesday it was hubby and my 4 year wedding anniversary. Thankfully the weather 4 years ago was far milder than it was on Tuesday as we married in a lovely outdoor ceremony in fairly balmy autumn weather. Anyway, the initial celebration plan to mark the event was a nice, candlelit dinner at home. However, come Tuesday, hubby was now down with a cold too and I was feeling slightly jaded so we canned the plans and instead ate left over chicken soup and headed to bed at 8.30pm for a romantic evening of actual sleep...well that was my plan. Hubby slept and I had to wait for Miss A to resettle after coughing herself awake. So much for an early night.

The following morning dawned as one of those freezing mornings when all you want to do is snuggle up under the warm blankets and shut out the world. Of course, Miss A had other plans, treating me to another early morning wake up and so instead of remaining in my lovely warm bed I instead found myself donning my dressing gown and entering the cold reality of the morning to get her up.

So why am I sharing these experiences with you? For no particular reason really except to say life is not glamorous. Well not mine anyway. I am a mother doing motherly things. That means life revolves around a certain little person, this week even more so than usual. That is the reality of being a mum. Not losing yourself completely, but priorities do shift. There is a little helpless person now in my care. She can't walk. She can't talk. She can't put extra blankets on herself when she's cold. She doesn't know how to lie in bed and get better when she has a cold. She can't dose herself up. She can't google the answer to her problems. She can't get herself up in the mornings, feed herself or basically do anything at all for herself.

She needs me to help her.

That is my job.

It will evolve. She'll gradually learn to do all these things and will need me less, or need me in a different way, but for now, she is completely reliant on me so what I want/need will have to take a back seat. That is what it means to be a mum. I'm sure in the vast majority of homes around the world, the same situation will be found. We are all in good company.

If you find yourself in a similar situation to me this week, be encouraged by this reminder.






Tuesday 7 April 2015

My baby is a genius...

I discovered something new today. While feeding Miss A her lunch, I noticed that she was making what I can only describe as a deep grizzly sound. She often makes this noise while eating and it is also often accompanied by a refusal to eat for a bit. I've always thought that perhaps she was getting frustrated at having to sit in her high chair or was getting bored of eating. Today though, she made the sound and I offered her water. She immediately drank some and then opened her mouth for some more food. After another spoonful, she started up the grizzling sound again. Once again I gave her water, she drank it and then opened her mouth to eat more. This happened again and I responded in the same way. Then she just continued to eat, no more grizzling for a while. It dawned on me that she was telling me she wanted water! Amazing. I wrote last week about how babies communicate and it seems I am continuing to learn more and more. I love the moments when the light bulb finally comes on for me and I make the connection between what she is doing and what she is actually telling me.

I also love watching Miss A learning to make her own connections. Of course there are lots of amazing physical things that she has already learnt and that have been easy to see - smiling, rolling, flailing, sitting. We're not at crawling yet thank goodness. Slight side note but I am really enjoying our current sitting phase. Finally my arms are free and yet I know that I can put her down and she will stay there, well in the vicinity anyway as she is a pretty pro roller, so I am definitely in no rush for progressing to the crawling phase.

While all these physical changes are awesome, I really enjoy seeing the mental connections occurring. Perhaps it is the teacher in me that is trained to look for connections? I'm not sure, but they're pretty cool so I thought I'd share a few of my favourite observations.

My absolute favourite is the fact my little girl does at least 90% of her poos over the toilet. This has been a learnt behaviour which has required work on both our parts. It's not toilet training though, it's more that we're both learning to read signals. As I've gotten older (and wiser?) I've become quite fascinated by other cultures and how they go about their daily lives as I believe there is a lot we can learn from them. Before I was even pregnant, I began thinking about the fact that the majority of the developing world can't afford nappies and yet you don't see mothers walking around covered in all sorts of undesirable bodily fluids which left me wondering what their secret was. After a bit of research, I found Elimination Communication. Essentially this method is based on what happens in the developing world. Mothers learn to read the signs their babies make when they need to go to the toilet and cue them with a sound e.g. 'sssss'. In the western world we give it a name, in the developing world it's just the norm. This made a lot of sense to me so from the time Miss A was a few weeks old I began holding her over the toilet (holding her legs with her back against my stomach) and making a 'ssss' sound. Almost immediately, she would wee over the toilet, sometimes even poo (note: a definite sign of a parent when you can nonchalantly discuss poos and wees). Amazing! We've progressed to the point where the majority of nappy changes see me holding her over the toilet and almost immediately, if she needs to poo, she will, without me even cuing. We're not so good on the wees, but that is probably because I haven't learnt to read her signs...something to work on I suppose. When I tell people about this, they are amazed, disbelieving really. Yet it is credit to Miss A, she has made the connection between the toilet and her needs and it has been amazing to watch, particularly as there are times when I have wondered whether we would ever get to this point!

Another connection she has made, and is still fine tuning, is closing her eyes when going underwater. This has come as result of our swimming lessons where, through much repetition of a certain phrase (name, ready, go), babies are cued to close their eyes as they have water poured over them or they go under water. We've only been swimming a term and yet, on cue, she has learnt to close her eyes. We practice in the shower or when having a bath too. So my little girl,  who can't talk and I imagine has has limited understanding of what is being said, has made the connection between a set of words and the action she needs to perform. Wow!

Going back to the eating thing, Miss A has learnt that a spoon signals food. She's known this for a while. Given that she has 3 meals a day, there is a lot of repetition going on here which obviously makes it easier. Yet when I think back to the fact she's been eating for less than 2 months, it's amazing what she has learnt. When first presented with a spoon she had no idea that it contained food, let alone how to get the food off and then how to swallow it. Now she opens her mouth at the site of the spoon. In the past couple of days, I have watched as she has grabbed for the spoon, clumsily turned it around to face her and then put the spoon in her mouth to eat some food. Generally there is not much food on the spoon at this point, as even if I had been kind enough to let her take a spoon heaped with food, by the time she had rotated it to face her, the fact she turns it upside down in the process would ensure more food ended up on her than in her mouth. Yet it is the connection she has made through her experience of eating that once again amazes me.

Finally, I love the connections she has made that allow us to play games. According to my weekly email from Baby Centre, she should enjoy turn taking games. I'm not sure we're quite up to that stage yet but she certainly enjoys games we can both play. Peek-a-boo is a favourite. I'm not sure when she first clicked that she could play yet now she is a pro, hiding her face behind a cloth or her top then pulling it away after I've been questioning where she is to reveal she is in fact still there. CUTE! Of course I do it to her too, hiding behind all sorts of objects, as do other people, and she absolutely loves it. As she develops further I know she'll outgrow this but for the moment, I marvel in the fact that she's developed to the point where she can join in for herself. Another game we play is one where I pretend to eat her, often leaving her in fits of giggles. Just in the last week she has joined in and now pretends to eat me too. By 'eat' I mean have her mouth open on my shoulder, cheek, head or stomach generally. When she does it, it leaves me giggling too.

Calling my baby a genius might is a slight over exaggeration, but let's be honest, she, like most babies, is so much smarter than we give them credit for! They learn so much in such a short space of time. They are constantly watching us. It's actually scary to think how much they are learning by watching us! Yet at the same time it is awesome.

I would love to hear some of the connections you have seen your baby make so leave a comment below or on my Facebook page.